How to Gain Confidence in Yourself
Unlocking Your Potential through Reliance on Allah
“You don’t have to change who you are, you have to become more of who you are."
Have you ever felt held back by negative thoughts and insecurities, wishing to be your authentic self? Do you desire to gain more confidence in yourself?
A lack of confidence can prevent us from living as our authentic selves, often leading us to settle for a diminished version of who we are. This lack of confidence can make us uncomfortable with ourselves and our lives.
It’s important to recognize the difference between feelings of shyness and nervousness, which are completely natural, and true insecurity.
If you ever find yourself feeling insecure or consider yourself an insecure person, it may be useful to know the source of these feelings, the consequences of not taking action, and how to effectively address them.
In this post, we will explore practical strategies to help you build life-changing confidence. We’ll delve into how trusting in Allah can be the most powerful method to overcome insecurities and empower you to live authentically.
Potential Causes: Low Confidence
Low confidence can stem from various factors. Here are ten reasons that may help you identify potential underlying issues:
- Reliance: Too much reliance on ourselves and not enough on Allah; we are limited in power and ability, while Allah is limitless.
- Mental Health Issues: We struggle with conditions like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, which negatively impact our confidence and make these original conditions worse. This creates a harmful cycle.
- Past Trauma: As children, we received messages—whether directly or indirectly—from those in our household that ate away at our confidence in ourselves and our abilities. This can lead to the development of a critical inner voice that we carry into adulthood. We may have experienced abuse during childhood or adulthood, or we may have been bullied, all of which can chip away at our self-esteem.
- Past “Failures”: We are holding on to past “failures” or memories of times when we tried and did not succeed. This can hurt our expectations for the future.
- Comfort Zone: We often stay in our comfort zones and do not challenge ourselves, which can prevent from building confidence. This happens for many reasons, like fear of failure or fear of the unknown.
- Negative Self-Talk: We speak to ourselves in a negative way, contrary to how we would talk to a dear friend, and in doing so, we become our own bullies.
- Self-Comparison: We compare ourselves to others in a way that makes us feel less than and lowers our confidence. This can also lead us to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves.
- Unhealthy Relationships: We often surround ourselves with negative people who belittle us or are emotionally or physically abusive.
- Concerns with Physical Appearance: We are not happy with how we look. This makes us feel bad about ourselves and affects how we interact with others.
- Lack of Skills or Knowledge: We simply lack certain skills or knowledge, which affects our confidence.
Potential Symptoms: Low Confidence
- We care too much about what others think of us. This includes their opinions on our appearance, skills, speech, and other aspects of who we are.
- We often doubt ourselves and our decisions, even after we have made them.
- We may frequently look in the mirror to assess our appearance and continually evaluate our work.
- We people please. We frequently say yes to others and no to ourselves.
- We often let other people speak for us and make decisions for us, even about small choices.
- We avoid trying new experiences or taking on new opportunities
- We often ask others for their opinions or feedback because we feel unsure about our abilities.
- We often criticize ourselves and our efforts.
- We often have a hard time accepting compliments. Instead of appreciating what others say, we tend to discredit ourselves.
- We are sensitive to criticism and take it deeply, absorbing it like a sponge.
- We tend to avoid social interactions or cancel plans because of our insecurities.
- We often feel compelled to demonstrate our worth to others.
- We allow people to use and mistreat us.
- We may feel unloved or unwanted.
- We often worry about failing
- We struggle with perfectionism
- Our future feels uncertain and lacks clarity.
- We often do only the minimum required in our lives just to get by.
- We often feel jealous because of our own insecurities.
- Our relationships are strained because of our insecurities.
Potential Benefits To Gaining Confidence in Yourself
Closer Relationship with Allah– The way we feel about ourselves has a direct impact on our relationship with Allah and our worship.
Improved Mental Health and Self-Esteem–Having more confidence can help reduce anxiety and depression. This often leads to higher self-esteem and a more positive outlook on life.
Increased Life Satisfaction- We are more likely able to set and meet goals which makes us more satisfied with our lives.
Healthier Relationships- We may communicate more effectively, establish boundaries, and create connections based on mutual respect and trust.
Improved Relationship to Ourselves- Having more confidence helps us think better of ourselves. This can change how we talk to and treat ourselves. As a result, we may feel closer to ourselves and become more like a friend to ourselves.
Enhanced Performance- Having greater confidence can lead to improved performance in all areas of our lives. When we believe in ourselves, we feel more motivated, which encourages us to strive and work harder.
Increased Success- Confident individuals are more likely to achieve significant milestones and pursue their dreams.
Improved Communication- Confident individuals are better at asserting themselves in conversations and find it easier to express their thoughts and feelings to others.
Better Decision Making– Confident individuals tend to be more decisive and resilient against negative opinions and doubt.
Increased Happiness- Confidence plays a significant role in overall happiness. It enables us to live authentically, pursue our passions, and appreciate the feelings of accomplishment.
Less Fear- Having greater confidence can help us overcome anxieties and fears by challenging ourselves.
Potential Pitfalls: While having confidence is important, taking it to an extreme can lead to arrogance and self-admiration. As Muslims, we strive for balance. We should place our trust in Allah, recognizing that He is the one who grants us strength, knowledge, skills, and abilities. It is essential to attribute all of our successes, including our confidence, to Allah.
Strategies: Gain Confidence in Yourself
Gaining and maintaining confidence is a valuable investment in yourself that can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life.
With Allah’s help, you can begin to take steps to enhance your self-confidence. The following advice comes from a panel of mental health professionals in my network, who have shared their insights on how to gain confidence in yourself:
“Make a list of strengths and focus on those”– A, LCSW
“How would I gain self-confidence? Doing things I enjoy doing. Exercise, spending time with family, and helping people. Self care, challenging myself by setting goals that force me to step out of my comfort zone.”
-A, LMHC
“If someone wanted to gain confidence I would tell them to start working on their boundaries. Surround yourself with people who build you up and push you to be a better version of yourself.
Self care, challenging yourself and learning something new are also great ways to gain confidence. Of course I have to mention that having a good therapist can be a very productive way to work on your self confidence”
– A, LMFT
“ Step 1: Confidence is related to emotional satisfaction with our accomplishments. To increase this we build “mastery” of our skills. Mastery is built by doing things that lead to a sense of accomplishment.
We can increase the difficulty of these things and plan for success. This is a gradual increase of difficulty and not judging the misses, but adjusting the goals.”
“Step 2: It’s worth talking about imposter syndrome when talking about confidence. When others compliment us but we don’t feel worthy of their confidence we need to go back to step 1 and ensure we see our own accomplishments.”
-F, LCSW
“I use the DBT interpersonal skill in Dear Man of Appearing Confident. I also use self-compassion. I personally stay humble and that helps me be more confident.
Allowing myself to be human, make mistakes, and learn from them takes that pressure off to be perfect. I live in between “fake it till you make it” and being humble.
I also am confident in things I do well and know like as a therapist. I work hard to be an expert. I do not try to fake confidence when it is not warranted. I do not try to appear confident at dirt biking because I have no idea what I would be doing.”
– K, LMHC
“Working on gaining self-confidence through improving self-efficacy is crucial. This means working on your belief in your ability to do things, your ability to complete goals.
By making small realistic goals and achieving them, we can show ourselves that we are capable and build our self-confidence to do hard things.
Additionally we can work on self-acceptance and self-esteem through consistent self-care to improve confidence.”
-O, LCSW
Advice from a Successful Business Owner:
“Confidence is built through experiences that strengthen you. Embrace challenges and take calculated risks to grow. Surround yourself with confident people, and consider having a mentor for support. By taking small steps towards your goals and celebrating each success, you can gradually build your confidence.” –M, Retail Business Owner
Additional Strategies: Gain Confidence in Yourself
From Self-Reliance to Reliance on Allah: Alleviate the pressure of having to rely solely on yourself to build and maintain confidence. There is no greater confidence than that which comes from placing your trust in Allah. This kind of confidence is special; Allah is the source of everything we need.
When you rely on Allah, your confidence comes from a divine source, which is infinite and unshakeable. In contrast, when relying solely on yourself, your confidence is based on personal strengths, achievements, and self-esteem, which can be variable and affected by external factors.
There are various forms of dhikr (remembrance of Allah) we can engage in to gain strength and confidence, such as saying: “La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.” By uttering this, we acknowledge our inability to achieve anything without the help and support of Allah.
Additionally, many supplications can be made to seek confidence in specific situations, such as the following dua of Musa (as):
Righteous Company: Surrounding ourselves with positive friends who encourage and support us can motivate us greatly. It’s okay to rely on friends for extra help sometimes. While the western world often promotes independence, our religion teaches us that working together for a common goal has many benefits.
Self-talk:
Pay attention when you engage in negative self-talk or become overly critical of yourself.
Ask yourself: Would I speak to a six-year-old child this way? Would that child want to hide in a closet? Or would I talk to a beloved friend like this? Additionally, consider the usefulness of the thought: Is this thought truly beneficial?
Once you have identified the negative thought, consciously choose to reject it. Redirect your thinking towards more positive and encouraging thoughts.
This practice can help shift your mindset and foster a more positive self-dialogue and self-image. It’s essential to be kind to yourself. Remember, if Allah is merciful towards us, what gives us the right to be harsh with ourselves?
Recognize Your Wins: Stop downplaying your achievements and start acknowledging your small, everyday victories.
Recognizing these minor successes helps maintain motivation and boosts your confidence.
If we cannot appreciate and be grateful for our small wins, how can we truly value our larger accomplishments?
Self-Reflection: Take time to honestly assess your perceived weaknesses. Reflect on areas where you feel less confident and delve deeper to understand the root causes of these perceived weaknesses. Are they based on past experiences, a lack of skills, or negative self-talk?
Identify the actions you need to take to address these weaknesses, whether it involves reading books or attending therapy sessions.
Consider a Therapist: Building confidence, like any other skill, is a process that requires time and effort. It’s especially important to consider seeking therapy if you’re struggling with mental health conditions or if you have unaddressed past trauma.
Therapy can provide a supportive and structured environment to work through these issues, helping you build confidence in a healthy and sustainable way.
A lack of confidence not only hinders our ability to live authentically but also robs us of the joy and fulfillment that come from personal development and growth.
Confidence is not a personality trait; it is a skill that we can acquire. To build life-changing confidence, we must take intentional steps toward self-improvement and recognize the unique qualities and skills that Allah has already bestowed upon each of us.
We should empower ourselves by placing our trust and reliance on Allah. The confidence we gain from Allah is everlasting and does not depend on fleeting personal successes or external validation.
The journey to confidence is a process, but with faith, determination, and the support of Allah, it is within your reach.
Feeling inspired? Check out my previous post on turning motivation into action.
How would your life change if you were 1% more confident? Which therapist’s advice resonated with you the most? Comment below!
AISSATA
If I had more confidence, I would probably dare to live a life that is more aligned with my value and that would possibly increase my tawakul in Allah.
I like the recognition of wins and self reflection aspects advice.
I see confidence as a part of gratitude because you recognize a strength that Allah gave you.