Break Free from Comparison: How to Be at Peace with Your Life
The Thief of Joy and Contentment
Bismillah. Let us get straight to it: constantly comparing ourselves to others automatically diminishes our satisfaction with our lives. It is important to break free from harmful comparison to be more at peace with your life.
Looking at others as a source of inspiration is fine. However, when looking at others and their lives makes you feel less about yours, that’s a problem.
Together, let us uncover practical strategies and valuable insights to help us break the comparison cycle and embrace the beauty in our individual journeys toward fulfillment.
Self-Comparison
In today’s hyper-connected world, self-comparison has become an almost inevitable part of our daily lives.
We scroll through social media and encounter perfectly crafted images, impressive achievements, or idyllic lifestyles that can make our own experiences feel inadequate.
We go to events, gatherings, or catch up with a friend and we unjustly measure how well we are doing in life by comparing what we don’t have by what they do have.
This is an unfair measuring stick that doesn’t factor in unique strengths, weaknesses, struggles, situations, and importantly, the decree of Allah.
Each of us is on a distinct path, shaped by our own experiences, challenges, and blessings.
Comparing ourselves to others not only overlooks these individual differences but also undermines the wisdom and plan that Allah has for each of us.
This can lead us to think, “I am not good enough, and my life is not enough.”
You are enough and your life is enough sister.
Undoubtedly, there is khair (goodness) in both the person having what you don’t have and in you not having it now. That doesn’t mean we can’t turn to Ar-Razzaq and ask for His bounty.
Roots of Self-Comparison
I believe one of the main issues with self-comparison is losing sight of what we have and failing to appreciate the blessings that Allah has given us. There will always be someone who has a better car, spouse, job, etc.
However, it’s important to remember that your life situation is perfect for you and was destined for you. The pen has been lifted; we need to focus on living out our own stories and allow others to live theirs, SubhanAllah.
Additionally, placing too much importance on dunya (worldly) factors and using them as a measure of our success.
We are always going to be left wanting more when we are constantly chasing external success.
When we focus solely on the material wealth, social status, or external achievements of others, we risk losing sight of what truly matters.
True success lies in being close to Allah, attaining His pleasure, and achieving Jannah in the next life.
Lastly, being too hyperfocused on the lives of others. If I am overly involved or concerned with the lives of others, it’s only natural that I will start nitpicking at my own life.
Consequences of Self-Comparison
Harmful comparison can lead to a range of negative consequences, impacting various aspects of an individual’s life:
- Envy and Resentment: Comparing ourselves to others can create jealousy and resentment. These emotions can strain our relationships and destroy our hearts.
- Guilt and Regret: Feelings of guilt and regret can occur when we see ourselves falling short compared to others. This can result in a cycle of negative self-evaluation and emotional distress.
- Self-Deprecation: Constant comparison can lead to self-deprecation, where we view ourselves as inferior or inadequate.
- Pressure to Maintain a Facade: We may feel pressured to maintain an idealized version of ourselves in front of others to fit in, which can increase feelings of loneliness and depression.
- Decreased Life Satisfaction: Harmful comparison can cause us to shift our focus away from our strengths and accomplishments, leading to a persistent feeling of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. This can result in decreased overall life satisfaction.
- Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety: Harmful comparison is linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety in people.
- Lower Self-Esteem: Constant comparison can lead to a decrease in our self-esteem. When we frequently compare ourselves to others and perceive ourselves as inferior, it chips away at our self-worth and confidence.
- Faith Struggles: Harmful comparison can lead to struggles with our faith. It can create doubts about one’s worthiness, purpose, and the wisdom of Allah’s plan, أَعُوذُ بِاللهِ, leading to spiritual distress.
This is not a conclusive list; ultimately, harmful comparison leads to reduced overall well-being.
14 Helpful Tips to Break Free from Self- Comparison
1. Practice Gratitude Daily: Let us make it a habit to frequently reflect on the blessings in our lives.
Keep a gratitude journal where you write down 3 specific things you are thankful for that day before going to sleep. This is a practice I encourage my clients to do as well. This shift in focus can reduce feelings of lack and depression.
This practice can also come in the form of duas, where you just take time before falling asleep to thank and praise Allah for the blessings of that day.
2. Supplicate for Others: When you see others doing well turn to Allah in supplication for them and yourself.
While supplicating for the other person, you can ask Allah to grant you similar blessings or even more.
This can help prevent ill feelings and soften your heart while strengthening your reliance upon Allah.
3. Mindfulness of Company: If we are constantly in the company of individuals who frequently engage in self-comparison, it can be easy to pick up on that habit and fall into the same patterns of thinking.
We can encourage positive conversations, set a good example, and establish boundaries when necessary.
4. Reflect on Allah’s Wisdom: Remember that Allah knows what is best for you. Trust in His wisdom and decree.
Reflect on the verse from the Quran:
5.Focus on Your Own Journey: Embrace your unique story and path. Celebrate your own progress and achievements, no matter how small they may seem.
Imagine going on a 2K run and, instead of paying attention to your path, you become too focused on a competitor who is ahead of you.
This distraction could lead to you tripping and falling because you aren’t concentrating on your own run.
Harmful comparison diminishes our motivation to reach the finish line. We feel defeated before we even give ourselves a chance!
6.Limit Social Media Use: Social media can be a major source of comparison.
Set boundaries for your social media consumption and unfollow accounts that trigger negative feelings.
7. Set Personal Goals: Set goals that are meaningful to you and work towards them at your own pace.
Focus on what you can control and be realistic with yourself when goal-setting.
Remember that success is subjective and can be defined in many ways.
8. Cultivate Contentment: Practice contentment with what Allah has given you. Remember:
9. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your struggles can provide relief and perspective.
10. Engage in Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
When the thoughts feel overwhelming, seek refuge in Allah from the shaytan.
11. Embrace Mindfulness: Engage in supplication as a form of mindfulness.
When you find yourself comparing or feeling tense, take a moment to make a heartfelt dua. If you are with others make dua within your heart.
Ask Allah for guidance, peace, and contentment. This practice can help you connect with your faith and bring a sense of calm.
12. Trust in Allah’s Plan: Have faith in the wisdom and decree of Allah. Believe that He has a plan for you, and everything happens for a reason.
This trust can inshaAllah provide comfort and reduce the need to compare yourself to others.
13. Awareness: Recognizing our innate nature to always want more and taming this inner struggle with greed.
14.Focus on the Hereafter: Remind yourself of the ultimate goal of attaining Jannah. This can help shift your focus from worldly concerns to spiritual aspirations, reducing the tendency to compare yourself to others.
You are already blessed!
By implementing these strategies, you can inshaAllah break free from the harmful cycle of comparison and find peace and contentment in your own life.
Remember, your journey is unique, and your worth is not determined by how you measure up to others. You are already blessed to be a Muslim.
Trust in Allah’s plan, embrace your individuality, and focus on your own path to find true peace and fulfillment.
Love you for the sake of Allah sis.
How do you personally navigate the challenges of self-comparison? Comment below!
Click here to read more on building confidence.
AISSATA
Another great post Allahuma Barik.
I think it’s helpful to see what you think it means if so and so it « better » than you.
Are you maybe thinking « there aren’t enough resources for everyone », « Allah loves them more than me so they were given more materially»? These thoughts need to be challenged and in these examples are false and lies from Shaytan.
Another helpful thing is to reflect on Allah’s names and attributes.
We should maintain healthy comparison like wishing to do Ibadah as good as another person while wishing their increase in goodness.
Suzan Hammad
I really liked this article and think it’s an important read for the super-competition driven world we live in today. My favorite part is about setting boundaries when necessary in competitive spaces. As for me, I highly agree with cultivating your own personal identity in a way the pleases Allah. After all, Allah made each of us unique and if we do not know how to embrace our uniqueness, we are somewhat rejecting what Allah has given to us. Personally, I would encourage crafting a hobby or two for yourself on top of supplication. When I feel down I have options to go to that remind me who I am, like knitting or drawing. Anyway, I really like the blog so far. Continued success to you!